I only ever feel like writing when I'm in the middle of work and never when I have access to a computer at home. I think I touch my computer once a month these days. I am so effing tired every day, I just sit on the couch and fall asleep to House. I haven't even taken a shower since my last workout YESTERDAY because I couldn't bring myself to get up the stairs last night. And then I was too tired to wake up in time for a shower this morning. Going to work with day-old sweat has been a normal thing lately. And it's probably due to how much I hate my life.
So as I was shuffling through papers, putting blank sheets of paper between invoices so they can be scanned properly, I started to think, "Maybe this is it. Maybe my degree/intelligence/waste of time isn't anything worthwhile in this life/society. Maybe I should just resign myself to having a job where I'm a drone and do crap work for $12/hour because that's all anyone seems to think I'm good for." Well? Is there a time where you should just give up all your hopes and dreams and future possibilities and just do work? Just work. Nothing comes from it. Nothing is changed in the world from it. It's just busy work. For nothing.
My self-confidence and self-worth are completely destroyed. And it's hard to know if I can ever get them back. I understand it should be possible theoretically, but as of now I feel completely void of any value and feel I should just quit caring about the things I feel capable of doing and simply do something. Everywhere everything sucks, why should I feel special? I'm just as capable of finding a completely shit job for shit pay no matter how "amazing" I could have been.
I give up.
So as I was shuffling through papers, putting blank sheets of paper between invoices so they can be scanned properly, I started to think, "Maybe this is it. Maybe my degree/intelligence/waste of time isn't anything worthwhile in this life/society. Maybe I should just resign myself to having a job where I'm a drone and do crap work for $12/hour because that's all anyone seems to think I'm good for." Well? Is there a time where you should just give up all your hopes and dreams and future possibilities and just do work? Just work. Nothing comes from it. Nothing is changed in the world from it. It's just busy work. For nothing.
My self-confidence and self-worth are completely destroyed. And it's hard to know if I can ever get them back. I understand it should be possible theoretically, but as of now I feel completely void of any value and feel I should just quit caring about the things I feel capable of doing and simply do something. Everywhere everything sucks, why should I feel special? I'm just as capable of finding a completely shit job for shit pay no matter how "amazing" I could have been.
I give up.