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I'm starting to feel like my life will always be this way

10/15/2014

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Besides my job, everything kind of sucks a little bit. And it feels like one thing right after the other. It makes me think I'll never truly catch a break, and this is just how adult life works. Maybe people just don't talk about it, but it's always going to suck. 

I basically don't have a car anymore. It died. It can be revived but for way more than it's worth. Now I have to deal with winter of public transit and riding my bike. It's not terrible, but it's not the most fun way to spend two hours a day either (sometimes 3 with certain transit options). Still, I'm deciding if I want a motorcycle (or a moped) and if I do, should I spend buku bucks for a touring/adventure bike (new or used, something that fits me) - or do I go for a cheap 250cc that will just get me by and I can save money. But then there's gear I need.... and even then I can't ride some winter days.

Benedict's situation still weighs heavily on me most days. I wonder how we'll adjust. I want to get him a buddy, but I don't know how to do that. A dog needs too much attention and probably more expensive than a cat in food and care. I don't really want another cat, but I'm wondering if it's my only option, and that will be considerably more expensive too. Food is not cheap! And how much money have I put in to Benedict's vet care?

I'm not sure if I should move into a different place and heal from the Jake breakup. I really don't want to move due to proximity, price, aesthetic properties of our old old house, and Benedict. I do want to move due to being closer to work and emotions...

And then I've been sick going on 3 weeks. I can't tell if it's something I've fought off for months, or something my coworker gave me. But it feels terrible. I don't feel any closer to being better. And it's stopped me from running and biking and even thinking clearly. I can't sleep. I feel like death in the morning. And I hate not being able to breathe. Mary loaded me up with apothecary and vitamins last night, so beginning my regimen this morning, hoping it helps me heal... please. 

But at least I love my job. And I really love it. I'm starting to SUPER love my new boss. We think he's going to fit in really well and he's very nice and super approachable. I'm really diggin it here and can't wait to get hired on full time.
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    I have no idea what to do with myself, so I try to blog to organize my head.

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