Got a new job. Love it. It's been about 2 months (about) and it's turning out to be a greater endeavor than I originally imagined. It's good. Right now, it's very stressful. But things are foreseeably going to get better (maybe not easier) and I'm okay with that. However, I still feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water, and it's scary and not super fun even short term.
I won't go into details about it or why, but that feeling is the point I'm getting across. My personal life has been shaping up well, too, but there's still some struggling I'm not sure how to deal with. First, being single is interesting. This is essentially the first time I've been extensively single with no prospects for the first time in... 8 years? Longer maybe? I hop right into exclusive relationships without a ton of breathing room often. But it's for no other reason than I meet interesting people I want to explore more deeply and am too lazy to juggle dating multiple people. I get comfortable and settle easily because it's, well, easier. But maybe there is a factor of "needing someone" I never thought about before since I feel like such an independent person. But growing up with terrible (girl)friends who liked to be ultra-competitive and backstab like it was nothing, forced me to find my confidants in my boyfriends who I knew wouldn't betray me. For this reason, I've always had someone as a best friend I could open up to and now that I'm single, I don't find that release easily. It's lonely and like above, I don't have time to think about what's going on in my life.
The problems this has caused is a never ending stream of anxiety and stress and nobody to vent it out to. Nobody I could trust who would give me unconditional support and advice. Nobody to know that I'm not really whining about my perfect life, but need to just get some stuff off my chest without judgement. On top of that, I've been trying to escape to the mountains every weekend thinking always being on the move, "productive," and active would make me feel better. Instead, I feel burnt out and depressed because I don't give myself any day to just be lazy or get stuff done that I need to (finding a dentist, doctor, physical therapist, OBGYN, changing my car insurance, getting my car checked out, buying groceries,.....). I haven't been super taking care of myself, even brushing my teeth seems like an impossible chore, that I keep spiraling down with no end in sight. I even stopped going to bed at an early hour to wake up hours before work to study for my certs and have a relaxing morning before phone calls and jumping to help people as quickly as possible, which after 2 years of being in a support role, is starting to drain me hardcore.
Sigh. So I'm in a weird place. I love everything in my life, but somehow can't work up the motivation to care about it. I'm hoping warm summer weather will help me out a bit and I hope to move up in the company I'm at to change my job duties to be a little less frustrating. We'll see when that happens and see if I can slowly change things around for myself. It's always baby steps, right?