It's a lofty goal . All my friends are poor and rarely contribute to anything, but I thought I'd put it out there anyway. The minimum request was $500, so I thought, well that's like 8 - 10 races, and ideally I'd like to do at least one a month. So we'll see. Maybe some fundage will happen. Maybe I can think of a way to make it a better campaign, like actually contribute smiles to people. Or this blog will get big enough that I can pretend to be inspirational with my fitness and happiness goals. One step at a time.
Well I keep hitting the same brick wall. And that is jobs and careers. I feel so lost and worthless. Unemployed (sans Seasonal Gigs) for over 8 months now. I have a degree. A science degree. I'm amazing with people. I learn quickly. I'm always upbeat, I never bring drama to work. I'm a peace keeper. People love to work with me. Bosses love having me around. So why can't I find anything?
And now it's been so long, I don't even know what I want to do anymore. I've completely lost sight of any career that would fit me. I keep being hesitant to go back to school because I don't want to spend any money, but if at 27 I feel it's too late to start a new career path, how would I feel at 35? 45? My dad started nursing when he was 50. Shouldn't I use that as motivation, realizing it's never too late to go back? So I rack up some school debt. Maybe one day the government will realize how much we're all suffering in this economy WITHOUT such debt. The consensus is the same everywhere I look - people of all ages with many different degrees can't find work. And there's some good advice being given, but.... but what? What exactly is my problem anyway? I don't even understand the situation I'm in/ And because of that, I'm depressed and have no idea what to do with myself.
Should I start a raw food business? What's the risk? You need money to make money in this case. I'd need an adviser for property management, an accountant for business finances. I can't afford any of that. Small business loan? How scary in this economy, do I really risk that??? And if it fails? I'll be just like my grandpa - big dreams and ideals and tons of failed attempts. I'm so sick of failure.
And all I keep thinking is how ambitious I was to change the world. But I had nobody to actually guide me into that role and just kept thinking it would just "happen." I keep watching these political TV shows, or my favorite Bones, and keep thinking "THAT'S WHAT I WANT." I want to be in government. A CIA agent. Or a political administrative role in the White House. Why didn't I go that route? All the nay-sayers. Yet I keep wanting it. Maybe I should see how to get into the Air Force. Yeah yeah, it's probably not what I imagine. Who cares. It's something.
I was hoping my next post would be about something else, but yesterday I had such an interesting run that it deserved a blog post of its own. And I'm sorry to those who expected me to write this last night when i got home, but I was so wiped out, I just went to bed, defeated really.
My RunKeeper app suggested I do a 4 mile slow run, however, due to my cold and having run less during the week, I was interested in maybe going further and also hoping for some difficult terrain. I decided to look on mountain biking sites to find a good trail because I have had better luck with them than hiking trails. Apparently hikers don't like to work very hard or something. And I found that Red Rocks has a nice loop when connected with Dakota Falls trail. Length: 6 miles. Perfect.
I parked at Matthews/Winters Park near the Amphitheater and began on the Red Rocks loop, which is not what I originally wanted to do because it's the easier of the two and I'd rather get the hard stuff done first. But it seemed the most logical. Straight away, lightning ahead of me. Sweet!
But then right after I see that, I come across this foreboding sign:
Obviously I went right ahead. The weather wasn't too bad throughout the whole climb, but I did come across two mountain climbers next to me overhearing one of them say, "I don't know if we panic or freak out right now?!" which gave me a chuckle. And on I went. Finally the storm dies down, but then it's climb number two when I get to Dakota Falls.
And when I reach my "DING WORKOUT COMPLETE" chime in from my phone at 4 miles, I feel pretty done. And I feel accomplished, and I'm like whatever for the rest of the run. It's when I'm nearing the top, have a few tumbles down and see that the storm is now right behind the red rocks trail I was just on. Well, good thing I went this direction instead of DF first. And with my few tumbles, I kind of really hurt myself and it was about mile 5 that I felt super done and ready to be at my car. But there's no where to turn except to keep trudging on the trail the full 6.3 miles. And then there's more uphills and I see that some pretty bad lightening is straight head and I'm running right toward it. And I pass tree after tree that has been struck by lightning in years' past. And I'm exhausted and mentally burnt out and the rain picks up and the wind is getting super intense and I'm just basically not feeling it. At All. I was so wrecked emotionally and mentally and physically that I did not feel safe until I was INSIDE my car and even then I just felt so defeated and drained and in pain. It was not a fun 25 minute drive home.
Yet it was probably the most beautiful perfect trail I've run on yet (though Lair O' The Bear was pretty unbeatable) and I stopped every 10 minutes to take pictures because the storm in the background really upped the breathtaking factor.
But coming home, my only desire was to sit in the tub with a scalding hot shower and soak it out. When Jake got home after having dinner with our two Romanian couchsurfers, he came in the bathroom to find me enervated and hoarse and the look in his face said it all, "Go the eff to bed." And I did.
What should I write about this time? There's still too much to catch up on but it would be inappropriate to write in one post.
Trail Running News:
I was thinking of posting other news like work stuff, travel plans, knitting plans, new kitty, etc. But didn't I just say all that shouldn't go in one post? So until next time.... weeks from now by the looks of my habits.
Let's see if I can even remember all the good stuff that happened. And it's hard because there have been a lot of new cool things that have happened since that I'd rather write about. I have a lot of catching up to do.
Well, Alex, my baby bird, was generous enough to buy me a one way ticket out to California so that I'd have the opportunity to watch his graduation from UC Santa Cruz. I was so happy to go out there and celebrate with him. We both went through so much together there and to have him present on my graduation day meant so much to me, so I hope that's why he wanted me out there too. He invited my dad as well, and so I decided to fly into SoCal, hang out for two days and then drive up with my dad to spend a week there. My dad had been called down by his work the next day, so he was only able to hang out a short time, but he drove back up a few days later.
Then the coolest thing ever happened. I decided to enter my very first 10k Race, and it was a Trail Race at that! I was so worried about side stitches and even running 6 miles though I had twice completed that distance (and then some) not too long before. And my knee had been acting up and every part of my perfectionism had me nervous. But I rocked it! I battled my side stitches and even though at the end they hit hard, I hadn't stopped once, so nothing was going to make me give in! It was so much fun and I am SO HAPPY my first Trail Race ever was in my favorite place on earth!
By that time, Jake had driven in from Colorado. He went to San Diego first and then met me in SC for a few days before we went up to San Francisco. I was only able to see Logan and Patrick, but we did get to stay with Jake's friends Matt and girlfriend Lauren and experience a bit of Pride weekend prequel. We also met up with Christina a quick second at a nice bar close to where Cafe Gratitude used to me (RIP in SF). While I was sad to miss out on Raw cuisine, Logan and Patrick made up for it by taking us to Burma Superstar. I am now ridiculously obsessed with Burmese food.
After SF, we went back down t o SC to drop Alex off (he stayed with his girlfriend in SF) and then head to SoCal to visit with family down there. Dinner with my mom, ice cream with my cousin, and visiting the Cake Shop pretty much summed up our trip. Oh, plus movie night with my dad to see the newest Star Trek, as Jake and I have an unhealthy obsession with Benedict Cumberbatch.
On our drive back, we stopped at an Indian reservation to do a little trail run. It was a tough 3 miles being at 8000 ft elevation and all hills. But it was good to get out of the car like that.
I have no idea what to do with myself, so I try to blog to organize my head.
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